My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
