What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
