i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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