you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
