Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
