I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
