So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
