i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
