Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
