Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
