don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize