I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
