My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
