I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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