you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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