My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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