He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
