im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
