I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So many bounce houses so little time
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
