is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
