I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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