I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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