I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
