drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
