Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
