Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
