I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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