Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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