I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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