i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
