She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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