dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize