Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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