The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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