I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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