Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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