When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
