Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
