I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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