That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
