you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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