You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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