this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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