he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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