listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
