You're my little dorito
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
