How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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