At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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