I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
