shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
