I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
