His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
