we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize