Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
