HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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