Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize