i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
