ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize