last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
