This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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