barbara walters just said penis...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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