You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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