I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
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