He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
