My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
