i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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