You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have post one night stand depression
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
