atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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