The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
