First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
