I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
