So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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