I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
