What a fucking waste of an outfit
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
