I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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