Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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