cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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