Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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