So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
