Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
