roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
where am i from again
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
