after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
