I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
