ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
