It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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