yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
