I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
